3yrs; Day 1292 – As I grew bigger
Today’s Inspiration written by Debbie M. Wilson – TBI Survivor
As I grew bigger, I realized that even the people who weren’t supposed to let us down, sometimes do.
As I grew bigger, I realized a need to learn how to forgive other’s for what they may do.
As I grew bigger I learned that I was the only one responsible for all that I do.
As I grew bigger I realized the value of laughing like I’d never even been hurt.
As I grew bigger I realized without forgiveness you can easily become bitter and curt.
As I grew bigger I realized life comes with no kind of guarantees, so we should make each day count.
As I grew bigger I realized in life we don’t get down time or time outs. At times we
we are all in dire need. We all went through times when we sure needed someone else to lead. We rarely get
second chances to live. When we do we should want to do our best to shine!
As I grew bigger I realized there were far too many that were not doing fine. We must shine
our lights so others can see. They need us to help teach them how to again just be. We all paid a very tremendous
fee! Now lets use this second chance to help others see!
3yrs; Day 1291 – To Survivors and TBI families
Hi Everyone,
Working with TBI families is more then networking. It helps us better understand the injury as well as learn how to cope with the evolution of Corey’s recovery through those that have been living their “new normal”.
A common problem following a Brain Injury for a survivor is adjusting to their new life and interacting with people. There are reasons why relationships are so difficult. The first obvious outcome always results in the Survivor not being the same. Friends and family expect the same person in personality, temperament, and general reaction to events of everyday living.
Everyone has everyday problems to deal with whether they are injured or not. Examples include home repairs; car problems; general personal illnesses, daily shopping, maintaining a clean house and laundry while balancing a job, general personal interactions; etc. This is compounded by the lack of other abilities for the Survivor, such as motor movement, communication, extreme fatigue, and other daily specific symptoms unrelated to normal living.
The injured person is different in cognitive abilities and physical abilities. The Survivor therefore lacks the same coping skills in life as before he/she was injured.
People forget the Survivor of a mild to moderate injury is disabled because he/she may appear so normal. This is often the case and why the injury at this level is often called invisible. Of course many times the permanent physical signs such as walking or hand/arm ability is evident, but there may not be clear evidence of cognitive clarity. Also, there may be definite psychological compromises to acceptable personal interactions that are not evident until a response from the Survivor. These would include short/long term memory issues; confabulation, impulsivity, speech issues, depression and anxiety.
People don’t really understand these problems because they haven’t personally experienced it. A Survivor may appear to handle life well, but people don’t see the extraordinary effort it takes to make it look that way. A Survivor may be performing routine requirements of life; however, the many daily routine tasks are more challenging than anyone can imagine.
Finally, because interaction is more difficult, people interact with a Survivor less and this separation makes continued relationships strained. All this gives a justification to the difficulties of relationships. These challenges are not limited to the Survivor; family members are affected by the strain of coping with daily demands as caregivers. The personal relationships pre/post injury for each family member is affected as well.
We all desperately seek the strategy for improvement in this challenge. Like many strategies it is not perfect but offers promise and hope for the Survivor and their family.
The best approach to this common challenge is so obvious it is often overlooked and thought not relevant. Ask yourself “How do you want your life to be”? Once you know your answer, no matter how difficult, never give up, never give in and always move forward.
The following strategic steps can be applied to anyone but are specifically posed to Survivors;
Engage with life more, then slowly include more people into your activities and interactions as you heal. Realize that relationships can be extremely challenging and discouraging; that is every relationship regardless of sustaining an injury. Keep working at the relationships most important to you as you learn to cope with your own limitations.
Always have a plan for improving. Think about each bad encounter and how you could have made it better. Without a plan and desire to improve, you will remain the same no matter where you are in recovery.
Realize recovery is a process and will take many failures. Learn from the things that go wrong and always do better the next interaction you have. Write down your successes and date them. A person will find successes become more frequent when concentrated on as a daily goal. Review your successes daily. They will continue to inspire and motivate you to surpass your personal best.
“What kind of life do you want”?
Keep in mind, every choice you make during the course of the day will create the actions necessary to successfully answer that question, but nothing will be achieved without this mantra;
Never give up and never give in, xoxo
3yrs; Day 1290 – from Corey
Hi everyone,
The weekend away was great. It couldn’t have happened without Caitlin, Suzanne, Denise, Kim, Jackie and JohnPaul. Corey had her moments but fortunately Corrine’s appearances were brief. All in all, our team thought it went well and they are not only willing, they want me to go away again!
As you know we have been working with “Independence” as our newest key phrase. Today we discovered something very important. Independence typically is a word that inspires and motivates. Each time we speak to Corey adding this word to our mantra she flips out. After several outbursts I focused on peeling back the emotional onion.
C-I don’t want independence
M-why, what is it about that word you don’t like
C-I don’t want it, I’m fine now. I’m not a full adult yet, I’m not ready.
M-you are an adult and getting stronger everyday. why don’t you like that word? what does that word mean to you?
C-ALONE!
M-do you think independence means you will be alone?
C-you will leave me
M-honey, independence means you can do everything you want ON YOUR OWN, without the physical help of others. It doesn’t mean you will be alone or once you’re independent everyone will leave you.
Corey instantly calmed down.
What a revelation. A word that typically drives an individual crippled Corey’s confidence. These are the moments that reveal our stumbling blocks. These are the moments that can either set us back or help us determine our next course of action. Now that we understand how Corey interprets her independence we can reassure her that this word is positive not negative. Our goal for her independence doesn’t lead to abandonment.
As Corey continues to progress emotionally and cognitively, it is critical that we dissect each outburst to find the core of her fear by asking leading questions. Her answers will allow her to release her anxiety.
There are so many facets to her recovery. They disclose themselves differently each day. Despite the experience we’ve gained in the last 3 1/2 years, there are days, like today, I feel as if we are at the beginning trying to sort it all out.
I’m pretty sure that’s called LIFE…here’s to another new day of discovery, xoxo
3yrs; Day 1284 – “the little things”
Hi Everyone,
Corey continues to surprise those getting to know her. Tuesday is water therapy. When we arrived at the pool the only parking spot available was approximately 200 feet from the front door. I asked Corey if she wanted to walk in with her forearm cane or go in with her wheelchair.
C – “I’ll walk”!
We parked the car and walked across the parking lot; our bodies synchronized with each step. Unbeknownst to us, Paul’s staff was watching us from inside the building. Once we were in the pool beginning to warm-up, Paul came in to tell us Corey was the talk of the building. The staff was buzzing asking Paul what he did to get Corey walking as well as she does since September. He laughed out loud and said, “I keep telling them I had nothing to do with it! It’s all Corey. She makes me look good”.
Once again I’m reminded of Corey’s progress as seen through everyone else’s eyes. Don’t misunderstand me; every time we leave the house, ride in the car, eat a meal, laugh at a joke, have a conversation, share a hug and tell each other “I love you”, I remember wondering if we would ever enjoy those simple moments again.
Now look at us. Every day we face challenges that will never be fully documented but its those simple moments that overshadow the daily struggles.
Don’t ever take those “little things” that have become so routine for granted. They are truly the most important moments in our day, xoxo
3yrs; Day 1283 – Thirst for Independence
Hi Everyone,
We have two big firsts to share with you tonight!
Our ultimate goal for Corey is to live a full independent life. Her physical progress has not only enabled her to relearn how to walk but she is beginning to care for her personal needs as well.
I begin with a delicate topic but it is truly monumental when it comes to true independence. We are eternally grateful to a dear friend of mine that helped us acquire a shower stretcher. Corey lies down on this waterproof gurney for all of her spa sessions. As she developed her flexibility, she began to participate by lifting and washing her legs. Slowly she improved her arm mobility to include her torso and face. This weekend, for the first time, she sat on a bench in the shower, manipulated the shower head, soaped her washcloth (one handed) and bathed herself completely. I washed her hair and dried her but she managed the bulk of the spa session her self.
Today Corey insisted on walking unassisted from the chair lift to the kitchen. She is not physically ready for this yet. I asked her to use the platform walker instead of the forearm cane. She panics easily when I switch things up. After convincing her she could walk through the house independently, she headed down the hall.
The link below documents another major first towards independence. Her back story; She walked into the kitchen, announced she was thirsty and asked me to get her a drink.
M – you don’t need me to get you a drink; you can get it yourself
Corey looked at me confused, processed my statement and with that impish grin, she took off.
We hope you enjoy watching today’s “life therapy”; quenching her thirst for independence, xoxo
Corey Beattie – I’m Thirsty
3yrs; Day 1279 – Our only obstacle
Hi Everyone,
Yesterday’s challenges have taken too much time in my heart and my head! Thank you for your supportive words. I agree with all of you; we need to incorporate “Corey’s” definition of recovery in every presentation. Kristine, you are correct too, we are FAR from normal.
When others tell us what challenges will hold Corey back, we choose to find new ways to help her move forward. Each frustration gives us an opportunity to prove its not a limitation. Every obstacle provides a chance to change our perspective unveiling a new direction.
Intimidation, Challenge, Frustration, Limitation, Obstacle; words that are critical components of Success, Achievement, Opportunity and Possibilities.
The only true obstacle to Corey’s recovery is the assumption we can be stopped. Never give up and never give in! xoxo
3yrs; 6 months – DON’T insult TBI survivors or caregivers
Hi Everyone,
I will not be reading today’s entry to Corey. In fact, it is one of the most painful entries I’ve written to date.
I have worked with some families who have shared the insensitive, callous comments from what we all call ‘professionals’. Today was my 3rd encounter with a person that is trained in the world of TBI but truly does not understand the real world of “living” with a TBI.
We are working on a seminar for an upcoming conference. The subject of the conversation was directed to the interests of a caregiver. Caregivers continually search for practical applications, strategies and techniques to answer the intangible question, ‘How can we advance our loved ones recovery’?
The clinician disagreed with how I phrased the question. The TBI professional flatly stated, “first of all, there is no recovery. You can never recover from a TBI. Once your brain has been injured it will never be the same as it was prior to the injury, it has no chance of recovery”.
The meaning behind this person’s sentence is true if you look at the definition of recovery;
1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
If we choose to define the word in this manor, I agree, Corey will never return to the state of health, mind or strength that she had prior to the accident. In fact, I have yet to meet a survivor that would admit they are as “good as they were” prior to their injury.
But, this word has more then one meaning;
2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.
The discussion became muted as my body was engulfed with emotions ranging from shock, rage, resentment and confusion that a trained professional in this field would be so detached from humanity that they could not only speak to a family member in this way but they also could not hear how their words recreated the pain of the initial injury.
This issue is not the word, it is the process!
We MUST take action, we must regain possession of our hopes, our dreams and our lives. If we accept the “recovery” definition in it’s truest form, that it will never be achieved, how do we get out of bed in the morning? We are not looking for the purists version of recovery. We are looking for an adaptation of recovery. We are not in denial. We are not delusional. We are well aware of what was stolen from us; what we lost that fateful night. We are not asking for what we had. We are working towards what we could have again.
Consider this; a magnificent vase shatters. You’re fortunate to find all the pieces to glue back in place. Fortunately, it holds water and displays a beautiful bouquet of flowers ready to bloom. Is the vase the same as it was before? No, it looks nothing like its original state. Now it’s a magnificent Mosaic that has more character, design and interest then it did before.
Put away the dictionary and start using a thesaurus! xoxo
3yrs; Day 1277 – Aqua therapy update
Hi Everyone,
Today is April 1st but there was no joking around. Corey was in the pool and had a serious workout!
She picked the number of reps she wanted to accomplish. It was the day of hundreds…
100 standing leg side kicks
100 standing knee lifts
100 knee to shoulder bends
100 crunches
and her finale…a timed test
200 bicycle kicks in one minute
One of my favorite inspirational websites its Ralph Marston’s greatday.com. Portions of today’s message describes our daily perspective perfectly.
‘It’s only a limitation if you see it as a limitation. Choose to see it differently, and you’ll find a way around it’.
‘Instead of assuming that some factor in your life is a limitation, make a different assumption. Decide to see it as an opportunity to grow stronger’.
‘Instead of wallowing in disappointment when things don’t work out the way you planned, choose a different response’.
‘Whatever has happened, has happened, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. What you can change, though, is what you do with it’.
‘Rather than seeing something as a limitation, see it as an opportunity and get busy living the value that is most certainly there’.
Corey,
My favorite line is, ‘it’s only a limitation if you see it as a limitation’. Your accomplishments to date were created not only from your increased physical strength but from your inner strength. Your never give up and never give in, no wallowing, no looking back and never allowing NO in your daily vocabulary is the reason you’re progressing.
I promise you; we will keep finding the opportunities that will keep us busy living today to realize your dreams for the future!
I love you, xoxo
3yrs; Day 1276 – from Corey; Phillies CB patch
Hi Everyone,
Today we had a few fun moments. Corey walked through Bryn Mawr with Natalie stopping to tell everyone jokes (via whispers from Natalie)
What do you call a line of bunny rabbits hopping backwards?
a receding hare line
How did the butcher introduce his wife?
meet patty
Needless to say, the ladies will leave the stand up comedy act to Caitlin!
Tonight was the Phillie’s season opener and Corey enjoyed watching the first few innings. We noticed a patch on the boys uniform. A circle with CB embroidered on the left breast. I asked out loud, “what do you think CB stands for”? Without hesitation, Corey chimed in “Corey Beattie”! It actually is in remembrance to the long time owner Claire Betz who recently passed away. No offense to the memory of Ms. Betz but I believe the boys are playing for Corey this season! xoxo
3yrs; Day 1275 – headaches
Hi Everyone,
We’re very excited the winter is almost over but I think the transition from Lion to Lamb is battling it out in Corey’s head! Her headaches persist as migraines. These may be among her permanent scars from the accident. There are many survivors that suffer daily with the same condition.
Despite the headaches, Corey and I worked hard this weekend on stretching her left foot, balancing and ordered some new cognitive therapy games.
Stay tuned…we’ve got a few more rabbits to pull out of our recovery hat! xoxo