hi everyone its corey

a good friend of the family has asked me what i did today to keep moving forward?

first of all, today i told my mom that i did not feel like exercising anymore. so then my mom gave me 2 choices.
1. my mom could hire someone to come and watch me when i was in my chair because not exercising will not get me stronger
or
2. i could start exercising so i could stand up from the chair and start taking care of myself.

so i decided that having helpers around me 24/7 was not quite my idea of improving, so i got up and started to exercise.

i walked 2 laps around my house with my cane, rode the bike for 20 mins and did the matte stretching exercises

even though the exercises were very important it was mostly my attitude that motivated me to do them. i guess that is the secret to exercising, staying fit, and keep moving forward, xoxo

Hi Everyone,

One of my dearest friends once told me, “I can guarantee one thing about life…it will always change”.

We are at a new crossroads with therapy…AGAIN. Evaluations and another round of botox are on the docket for this week.

Needless to say, I am worried. As my internal cheerleader plays tennis with my thoughts, I’m trying to process my emotions and regulate my fears of ‘NOW WHAT’?

I remember hearing our ICU nurse telling me it was time to visit acute care rehabs and felt panicked. What did she mean; it’s time to leave the ICU? Corey didn’t ‘wake up’ yet?

7 months later, Corey was nearing the end of her inpatient stay. I was terrified at the thought of leaving the acute care facility and moving home. I was worried about the next step of recovery and how we would manage.

It seems like a lifetime but, 3 1/2 years later, we are facing the next transition.

Sometimes change is welcomed because you know it can make life better. Sometimes it causes concern because the change can be challenging. Most often change is feared because of the unknown outcome. The unknown is an uncomfortable state of mind. Rationally, we know things cannot get better without change. Corey’s temperament improving with her new medication is proof of that.

Change can bring new opportunity. The direction it takes can either initiate success or failure. Truthfully, the only opportunity that fails is the one never tried.

Change will happen if we accept it and it will still happen if we fight it. We must be open to it. We must be willing to be willing. It’s success will take effort. Effort to change our attitude, change our perspective, change our thinking and change our actions.

Change will require letting go. It will take courage, faith, confidence and perseverance.

As I write this entry I feel as if I’m in the challenge round of the tennis tournament of internal thoughts. Let me serve one more shot…we take risks everyday, we live minute to minute most days, we have no timeline for recovery and we’ve managed to figure out how to stay in the game and advance to each round without the rules being explained to us. We haven’t won our Grand Slam but I’d say so far it’s Game, Set, Match…what’s next? xoxo

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for our recent absence, it’s been an eventful week. Corey’s headaches have been bad again and unfortunately, a fall in the kitchen didn’t help. Corey is still unaware of her physical limitations. She does not understand why she can’t just stand up and walk around the house or drive a car? When I remind her that her brain is healing and her left side is still weak, she often asks, “with all the medical technology invented, how come no one has technology that tells them how to fix the brain”?
My magic 8 ball doesn’t have that answer…

Corey was sitting at the Kitchen table on her IPad, I was sitting on the couch watching the end of a show. She wanted to come in and join me. I said no, the shows almost over and it’s almost time for bed. She didn’t like that answer so she tried to stand up and come into the family room to join me and fell backwards. This is one of the moments that you look forward to (her standing independently and walking) but it’s also the most terrifying at the same time (the potential for falling is always present)

Falls are a common ‘accident’ when a survivor gets more mobile. The nurses and I checked for signs of concussion for two days. Corey never lost consciousness, I didn’t see her fall and couldn’t find a lump/bump on her head, her speech and vision remained the same, appetite didn’t change, physical stamina didn’t change and she appeared unaffected cognitively. Thursday night she mentioned her eyes hurt with or without her glasses. Friday she had a headache, Saturday it was a bit worse. By Sunday, she was nauseous, tired, had a raging headache, couldn’t wear her glasses. I called my girlfriend, an ER nurse, for a consult. We agreed it couldn’t hurt to go get checked out. When I asked Corey if she wanted to go to the hospital she said yes,

The ER at Christiana Hospital is very good. She was seen immediately, had a CT scan and x-rays to look at her VP Shunt and her skull plate to make sure the plate hadn’t shifted and the shunt was working. She had IV fluids, blood work, and slept through most of the testing…that’s how I knew she was REALLY feeling poorly.

The Doctor’s confirmed NO brain bleeds, no change in the ventricular’s proving the shunt was functioning, blood work looked good but she was borderline dehydrated and had low potassium (she wasn’t drinking or eating much Saturday/Sunday) and they ruled out post-concussion syndrome. Given her history, they decided to keep her for observation.

As you can imagine, I was relieved on several levels. No concussion and thrilled my worry about the plate shifting and shunt not working were put to ease…for the moment. Unfortunately, with a VP Shunt, we are always a bit guarded because it can become infected and/or unexpectedly stop working…but for today…it is.

The end result; Corey had a REALLY bad headache. Another unfortunate fact, most survivors suffer chronic headaches for years if not forever once they have sustained a TBI. My next search will be to find a headache specialist that may help us manage them without drugging her. There’s got to be something or someone out there that can help so Corey doesn’t have to live with daily headaches.

As my mother and I would often say, ‘I’ll worry about that tomorrow Scarlet’, xoxo

Hi Everyone,

The ride to DC roundtrip was fine; the visit with Dr. G was very difficult.

Working through Corey’s anxiety is as exhausting as fighting our appeals. Fortunately, Dr. G has the expertise we have been searching for. Corey had several meltdowns today. At one point, Dr. G asked me to leave the room. So many emotions rushed through me as I sat in the hallway outside his office listening to Corey scream. I was unable to hold back the tears of fatigue. We are in the center of a new crossroad. Dr. G ended the session with a strategy we can practice this week. He also warned us, “it’s going to get harder before it gets easier”.

Corey was tired and quiet as we listened to the hum of the rush hour traffic on the way home. It was the white noise we both needed to release the stress of the day.

In the silence I was thinking of all of you. I tried to imagine myself following our story from an outsiders perspective. The physical accomplishments can be riveting, virtually watching the heroine, Corey, fight for the happy ending. Then there’s the details not highlighted and often overlooked. The day to day details of life after brain injury.

It’s not unusual and won’t come as a surprise to most of you, you only know what you know. I never heard of Traumatic Brain Injury before I was called to the ICU. I was familiar with concussions but never truly understood how a concussion can leave residual side affects, let alone what a severe injury can do to affect a survivor and their family. If we’ve never experienced caring for an elderly parent, a sick child, a personal illness or something as simple as a broken bone, why would we think of the complexities that face the person it affects or the affects on their family?

Friends would share the announcement of a life changing challenge and I would add them to my prayer list but until our experience I never realized the depth of what I should have been praying for…the day in, day out, minute to minute life they were dealing with.

Looking at our story from an outsiders perspective, I would wonder how do ‘they’ handle the moments that are unspoken? What are the moments that fill the spaces ‘between the lines’ of the message recorded day after day? What are the details of the heroine’s untold story?

Glancing at the driver of the car riding alongside of us, I wondered what their challenge was and how are they coping? Are they riding in silence or is their radio filling their space with the distraction they need to break the worry? Or are they searching for answers in the silence too?

Despite the rainy commute, the ride brought clarity; there are no answers. Our message and the strength to keep moving forward comes from within during the silent moments. My internal voice repeated, ‘be still, find comfort in the quiet, rest in the quiet’.

Corey, there’s a moment we all face when a challenge is presented. When that moment is presented, pause. Within that pause, you can decide to react or respond appropriately. Sometimes that pause gives you a moment to regroup and regain strength to take another step forward. Don’t be discouraged. Most times that pause is not easily recognized, but taking time to let the moment of silence speak to you can make the difference in choosing the direction to take on the crossroads you’re facing, xoxo