It’s been a very long week and a tough night.
Corey has been disoriented today however, there are times she has moments of clarity that continue to surprise me. She was asking “where was I” (meaning Bryn Mawr rehab), “how did I get here” (meaning our home) and “why doesn’t our house look the same” (her room is in the family room and the renovations are not matching her memory). Then there are the questions that throw me; “where is my real mom, the mom I grew up with” (she doesn’t recognize me – she thinks I’m my sister Louise).
I’ve spoken with several TBI survivors that have described this as a “phase of consciousness”. It’s an awakening that is very unsettling and confusing. They are trying to sort through their memories yet the images they connect with don’t match their current reality. They can’t bridge the gap of the time lost since their injury. Repetition and Reassurance is the only remedy.
This is one of the hard days. Its days and nights like tonight that it’s easy to forget the good moments, the progress and Corey’s amazing accomplishments. It’s the tough moments that replay in my mind and chip away at the positive momentum. Its days like today that it’s imperative to reach down into my core, find whatever strand of strength has not unraveled and hold on tight.
The house is quiet; our pets are nestled sleeping in the family room with us. Corey is asleep next to me as I sit and listen to the noise that fills my mind. My focus is on one word that is captured on a sign that hangs in Corey’s room ~ Believe. It was my Mother’s Day gift from Corey and her girlfriends. When I received it I have to admit, I couldn’t grasp its meaning; we were only 6 months in.
The word before me seems more reflective tonight. Time has given us experiences to draw from. This word allows me to recall the early days when there was very little progress. This word gives reassurance as my minds eye travels our timeline to present day. The comfort of these memories calms today’s unsettling moments. It gently reminds me that we are moving in the right direction. It reminds me that I can’t see what’s ahead but in looking at where we were, the spot light is on the endless potential and possibilities time has proven can exist.
I Believe tomorrow will be better than today…xoxo