The insurance company has told Bryn Mawr that their last covered day is tomorrow, 4/6. I am in the process of appealing to Blue Cross. The neurosurgeon faxed me his report which I hope will be influential to the insurance company. I am also appealing to Bryn Mawr for an additional 2 weeks to give me time to fix up the house. They would like me to move Corey to a nursing home short term until the home care is assigned, the appeal process is complete or until our home is finished. I do not want her moved for several reasons including continuity of care, risk of infection as well as the fact she will be the only patient under 65 in the facility. I do not have any confirmation as I write this. The state representative for home care waivers will be coming out Thursday to evaluate our need and approval for clinical and therapy hours. I have also contacted the news stations and spoke with the patient advocate lawyer. I’m not sure which way any of this will play out.
As our time at Bryn Mawr is literally running out, I have been thinking of the experience of the last 6 months. I reread the letter to the Senator recapping the details of Corey’s injury. I am amazed at what this young woman has overcome. I have been thinking of the emotional roller coaster that we’ve been living. Each detail is replayed in my mind from kissing the girls goodbye as they left that night to kissing Corey tonight hoping she sleeps well. At times it’s haunting, bordering on obsessive. I review the pressure that each week brings waiting, fighting, holding our breath. I can’t explain the swirling thoughts, concerns, worry and fear each day as I struggle to stay in the mindset of One Day at Time vs. what are we going to do?
This medium has been my voice. The salutation is to all of you but the words are written for me. The positive thoughts that are composed are not only closure to the day but the bridge to strive to get up and do it again tomorrow.
That being said, tonight PT/OT trained me on therapy techniques, transition and grooming for Corey. The words that penetrate my mind are preparation, resistance and change.
As we worked through exercises with Corey I thought about her body’s muscles. They are stronger as a result of encountering resistance. Thank goodness she began as a strong healthy person. Her physical strength has made it possible to go a little beyond where she is each day. She gains strength not through luck or magic or a mysterious process; but by applying what physical and inner strength she has over and over.
Consider Preparation and Change. Two words which illicit two very different perspectives. Today these words also ignited fear. I read a motivational quote; the way to get beyond your fear is to go through it. Do the thing you fear and the fear will lose its control over you.
I gave that a great deal of thought too. Fear can help assess the risk and prepare for all kinds of challenging situations. I remembered Randy Pausch, a professor that wrote The Last Lecture. (This also happened to be Corey’s summer reading book). Randy stated the purpose of fear is not to stop you. Some fears are entirely justified while others are just plain silly. Yet no matter how valid the fear may be, there is never any reason for it to control you. Certainly it is important to look carefully before you move forward. And it is just as important that, after sufficient due diligence and preparation, you do indeed move forward.
Corey, what would be the antithesis of fear? Confidence, ability, strength and success! These traits are not built by settling on what is already comfortable and familiar. They are built by venturing out into unknown territory, prepared for the challenges and determined to do whatever is necessary. That’s what we are doing…each day preparing for our next step despite the unknown obstacles. Fear brings awareness but it also can inspire us to look for alternatives, seek solutions and face whatever may come. Resistance is no match for inner strength! Keep pushing kiddo, we’re moving forward. Happy dreams, xoxo