Good morning Everyone,

The conference sessions we attended were very good. One that truly resonated was on the topic of Grief and Loss after TBI. The take away for me could be applied to any major life change.

The session leader had 4 boxes. Top right, TBI, we’re living, breathing, facing every aspect from crisis stage to managing the life-long lingering affects. When we’re in that frame of mind, it’s natural to think, “oh, if the TBI didn’t happen, my life would be like…” – he moved to the box on the top left; this box represents the ideal view/expectations of what our life “should have” been like. We can fill it with vacations, job success, the friends and life events we always dreamed of, etc. What the average person does not do is move to the box on the bottom left. This box is filled with the potential hurdles that “could have” stopped the ideal image of life from happening. For example, the job promotion wouldn’t have happened bc the company downsized, the move from an apt to a home wouldn’t have happened bc it didn’t pass inspection, the group of friends you had then moved leaving you without a familiar social circle. The realities behind the those ideal expectations feed our grief and loss of what “would have been”.

Now go back to the box on the top right. Yes, most of us have moved past the crisis stage and are living with the inner workings of our current reality. The healing, ability to cope and more importantly, the ability to move forward is in the bottom right box. This box is the ‘potential’ box. Corey still wants to be a Chef yet has limited use of her left hand. We have adaptive kitchen utensils to help ‘one armed’ Chef’s. She’s working on a cookbook that will not only share her favorite recipes but give tricks she’s learned to work around and with her weaker side. We would never have thought we would be writing, speaking or advocating for TBI yet here we are. The families we’ve met, friends we’ve made and support from thousands have changed the direction of our lives as much as the affects of TBI has.

This 4 square example is not a Pollyanna approach to diminish our life altering experience. For me it is a reminder, when I allow the grief of what would, could or should have been and allow myself to feel the emotional loss of those expectations, I don’t focus on the “can do’s”.

A car’s rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason…Look back but don’t stare…it’s not the direction we’re facing, xoxo