It’s been a little unsettling here for a few days. I know when we miss a day journaling everyone worries. It actually gives me great comfort to know you all are out there and write to check on us.
Monday, seemed to be a typical day. It was a very busy day with multiple therapies and baking for her cooking therapy. As the late afternoon and evening progressed, Corey seemed to be dizzy and her focus was off. She also seemed more fatigued than usual.
Tuesday morning Corey was completely off. She had a pleasant disposition when she first woke up but as the morning progressed she was unable to keep her self awake. I was very concerned about her as I remembered the conversation from our visit to the seizure specialist in February. Corey is having silent seizures and the medication is 60% effective. We can’t prevent them from occurring we can only hope to manage them. We will be watching her very closely, especially over the next few weeks, for what we believe is a patterning of seizures. We are also hopeful she doesn’t have another grand mal seizure.
When a patient has silent seizures, they often go undetected. As an example; if she is having a silent seizure, we would notice Corey staring off into space and/or her eyes will roll back as if she’s dizzy from vertigo. One of the side affects of a seizure is extreme exhaustion. Corey’s behavior Monday afternoon and Tuesday leads us to believe she was seizing. Unfortunately, there is no test to prove this unless she happens to be hooked to the EEG as the seizures are happening. We will be going to the Doctor tomorrow as well as getting another round of blood work to check the levels of her seizure medication. If her levels change, that could be our confirmation. We might not get definitive proof.
As you can imagine, I have been silently worrying and “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. I realize this is very normal and natural. Not knowing what she’s experiencing but sensing there is something happening that can’t be described or understood (other than its intuitive) is not concrete evidence to change our daily routines. Corey continues with her therapy and I forced myself to go to a Brain Injury function in NJ as well as an appointment in Philadelphia.
A call came into my cell phone. The caller ID showed our nurses name. It was a report of a difficult morning session with PT. A second call came with the ID showing ‘Home’ on the call pad. My stomach dropped. I anxiously answered expecting the worst.
My voice had a slight quiver, “Hello”
Shocked to hear Corey’s voice with such optimism, joy and clarity I could only respond with confusion in my voice, “Corey”?
‘How are you’? I could hear her smile
“I’m well, how are you”?
‘I’m good’. ‘What are you doing’?
“I’m in Philadelphia”. As I answer her questions I’m pre-occupied with the thought that I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with Corey on my cell phone.
“What are you doing”, I replied.
‘Nothing’…a typical response from a bored teenager.
We continued our conversation with Corey clearly answering and initiating questions. We hung up and a few hours later she called again to check in. This time she was wondering when I would be home, she missed me.
The phone call was an amazing gift. It is one of those life experiences that I will treasure. Recalling it brings a smile to my face. On one hand I was worried to leave her side and she calls me to chat, easing my heart and my mind that ‘every things fine mom’. On the other hand, I’m in shock because it’s been almost 18 months since I’ve heard her voice over the phone; she used to call daily after school to say hello and tell me about her day.
Corey’s phone call and today’s motivational reading were perfectly timed. Both were “wake up” calls to always look for the positive and not miss the gift that today has to offer…
When times are tough, it’s tough to be positive. Yet that is your most powerful and effective choice.
When you’ve been knocked down, it’s tough to be sure of what to do next. Yet you can be sure that feeling sorry for yourself will make things even worse.
It’s hard to be strong when the challenges seem insurmountable. But the amazingly powerful fact is, you can be strong.
It is precisely because life can be so tough and painful that it can also be so beautiful and fulfilling. Those very challenges that seem so impossible to get through are what set the stage for a life that is magnificent beyond comprehension.
Life can be terribly unfair and difficult and demanding. And yet, against such a background, it is nearly impossible to imagine anything more beautiful and fulfilling than life itself.
Being strong in the face of difficulty is not a matter of training or ability. It is a choice you are free to make in every moment, and a choice that will bring immense value and goodness to your world ~ Ralph Marston
Corey thanks for calling me, you made me day! xoxo